A visit at Gramma's house

I recall visits made to elderly friends and relatives of my parents when I was a young child. I met one of my grandparents (the woman who had raised my mother) in my youth but she wasn't at all interested in myself or my brothers. Her generosity to each of us during the visit consisted of a sugar cube from her tea tray. I am not certain if her lack of contact with us that day was relative to her health, her disposition or her priorities, but we didn't connect or gain any association.



My other grandparents died before I ever knew them. I have photos of them. Grandfather Acheson was a fireman in the City of Winnipeg and my Grandmother - Geraldina (his wife) was a pleasant looking woman. She'd had three sons (one my father) before she died prematurely.

I have a photo of my matriarchal grandmother as well. She seemed fashionable and the image of her in roaring twenties garb has always given me a sense of curiousity about her. She also died at a young age leaving my mother and her sister behind.



There was never a grandparenting model or mentor from which I might construct my own style of grandparenting when the opportunity arose. I have loved each of my grandchildren as they've arrived and often produced hand-made quilts in celebration of their births, but I've not had the same close relationship with each of my grandchildren. I've failed at being a good grandmother to the grandchildren with whom I've not had close proximity. I could make excuses for those lost opportunities, but that would only add to my personal failure in the blessings they are in my life. Amid the children I've spent time with, I can readily identify the ones that are like myself or other family members. It's wonderful to see attributes pass along from one generation to another.

When my grandchildren visit I tend to be both a "spoiler" and a "ruler." I try and produce eatable treats (or purchase them depending on the tastes of the grandchildren), I purchase toys and gift them as well as retain a toy cupboard for their visiting entertainment. I gift books quite often because I've always valued them in my own life. AND, some of my grandchildren actually enjoy Gramma Dates with me or coming to my home for sleepovers.



It's challenging to understand each of them as unique young people. Tidbits of time with them somewhat limits my appreciating their style of loving, having fun and play. As they turn from toddlers into little people they become more open about their preferences for activities, meals, snacks and movies and that's been helpful. There is a fine balance between just becoming identified as the Gramma who gives endlessly in lieu of the one who prefers individual time with them to talk and learn about them. I've come to love dinosaur movies, surf boarding at the ocean and watching acquire skills musically, artistically and in negotiating skill sets.



Gramma's house...

One afternoon as a pair of my grandson's ran down the sidewalk pathway to the front doors of my apartment building, the older of the two called out to his younger brother, "Andrew, remember we have to be quiet - this is Gramma's house." I treasured his awareness that my home had different rules than his parent's home. It meant he was learning about my world as much as I was learning about his. 

All the grandchildren develop their own style of snuggling with me. Some climb on my lap and nuzzle. Others perch on my lap and request back and arm rubs (gentle) and slowly drift off to sleep. I've shared beds with some of the grandchildren. It's meant learning to sleep on a sliver of mattress so their rest wasn't disturbed in a new environment. But in the morning they each announced a good sleep and sought their favorite breakfast items. When funds can afford it, breakfast might even mean a trip to MacDonalds and a playland experience, other times it's meant pancakes with ice cream topping. 

I don't know what my grandchildren will say about me as they turn in to young adults, but I hope they will recall some good memories - more than I had to fall back on. I know they may feel like my rules meant restrictions, but I've softened over the years and it's helped as they've determined to understand "why" some rules exist. 

This is Easter weekend and I've had a few reports from grandchildren about their family events. I'm learning one reality, they each grow up and as they do so, the requests to have their needs met changes. This week I was asked to help one of the teenagers learn how to "jive" for a dance competition he wanted to attend. His report to me on Sunday morning made it sound like he had a wonderful time with his peers, especially the young ladies. His mother invested more than I did in the dance instruction, but I was pleased to be invited to participate.



I hope my role evolves in such a way that I can eventually have more time and energy available for them all. I also hope one day to become better acquainted with the grandchildren that live at a distance. I know my mother demanded my Dad drive her annually from one house full of grandchildren to another. She'd make some of her favorite meals, share a few stories and seemed relieved when she and Dad climbed into their vehicle to head off alone to the next household. She worked at staying connected with her children and their children. I'm mindful that letters, cards and gifts would perhaps be appreciated, and I should make more of those efforts when travel isn't as possible. All my grandchildren are precious and remarkable and I know if I don't take the opportunity to tell them so, they may never know that I love them!

 

Old Fashioned Values

This morning in a Church women's group meeting (Relief Society) about 50 ladies spent forty-five minutes discussing honesty. After numerous stories were told and comments were shared it became quite obvious that honesty may have become optional for a better part of society.



Some of the stories told were as basic as the dishonesty of theft from retail outlets, plagarism and cheating on university papers or exams and even the small or significant lies people present to one another that range from incomplete truths to money-making deceitfulness that we hear about on the evening news.



The conversation included business realities. One business woman stated that between $10,000 and $20,000 annually was lost from their family business due to theft. We all know insurance fraud raises our coverage rates and our economy has been spinning as banks failed as unscrupulous investment practices have become the norm.



Moses was the first prophet  to clearly state the need for practices of honesty such as, "Thou shalt not steal." We may think he just meant stealing another's money or possessions, but with any consideration for the complete list Moses provided we might include - stealing a person's reputation, "Thou shalt not bear false witness."

We could also consider the theft of precious relationships by Moses declaration, "Thou shalt not commit adultery." Yet, does adultery, today, have more facets than we realize? A plague of pornography is raging, and a taste for it can become very destructive. Initially it tintilates and eventually it can rob the recipient of a more loving nature in trade for satisfying lust.

When Moses said to "honour thy father and thy mother," society, both the young and the old may see the recommendation as passe. The young may believe parents to be old fashioned, out of touch, or lacking understanding. The more mature adult may find it hard to make aging parents a priority, or they may be discomforted by quieted eyes or a tilted head as their parents question conduct or choices (like living beyond one's means). All the distances between parents and their children might be considered as a form of theft. As distances and differences rob family members of the love, caring and support we can bring to one another, the theft can leave us bereft.



Good old fashioned values are so simple. They've stood the test of time.

While we might imagine they can be exchanged for values of lesser demand upon us,

are we cheating ourselves?