A visit at Gramma's house

I recall visits made to elderly friends and relatives of my parents when I was a young child. I met one of my grandparents (the woman who had raised my mother) in my youth but she wasn't at all interested in myself or my brothers. Her generosity to each of us during the visit consisted of a sugar cube from her tea tray. I am not certain if her lack of contact with us that day was relative to her health, her disposition or her priorities, but we didn't connect or gain any association.



My other grandparents died before I ever knew them. I have photos of them. Grandfather Acheson was a fireman in the City of Winnipeg and my Grandmother - Geraldina (his wife) was a pleasant looking woman. She'd had three sons (one my father) before she died prematurely.

I have a photo of my matriarchal grandmother as well. She seemed fashionable and the image of her in roaring twenties garb has always given me a sense of curiousity about her. She also died at a young age leaving my mother and her sister behind.



There was never a grandparenting model or mentor from which I might construct my own style of grandparenting when the opportunity arose. I have loved each of my grandchildren as they've arrived and often produced hand-made quilts in celebration of their births, but I've not had the same close relationship with each of my grandchildren. I've failed at being a good grandmother to the grandchildren with whom I've not had close proximity. I could make excuses for those lost opportunities, but that would only add to my personal failure in the blessings they are in my life. Amid the children I've spent time with, I can readily identify the ones that are like myself or other family members. It's wonderful to see attributes pass along from one generation to another.

When my grandchildren visit I tend to be both a "spoiler" and a "ruler." I try and produce eatable treats (or purchase them depending on the tastes of the grandchildren), I purchase toys and gift them as well as retain a toy cupboard for their visiting entertainment. I gift books quite often because I've always valued them in my own life. AND, some of my grandchildren actually enjoy Gramma Dates with me or coming to my home for sleepovers.



It's challenging to understand each of them as unique young people. Tidbits of time with them somewhat limits my appreciating their style of loving, having fun and play. As they turn from toddlers into little people they become more open about their preferences for activities, meals, snacks and movies and that's been helpful. There is a fine balance between just becoming identified as the Gramma who gives endlessly in lieu of the one who prefers individual time with them to talk and learn about them. I've come to love dinosaur movies, surf boarding at the ocean and watching acquire skills musically, artistically and in negotiating skill sets.



Gramma's house...

One afternoon as a pair of my grandson's ran down the sidewalk pathway to the front doors of my apartment building, the older of the two called out to his younger brother, "Andrew, remember we have to be quiet - this is Gramma's house." I treasured his awareness that my home had different rules than his parent's home. It meant he was learning about my world as much as I was learning about his. 

All the grandchildren develop their own style of snuggling with me. Some climb on my lap and nuzzle. Others perch on my lap and request back and arm rubs (gentle) and slowly drift off to sleep. I've shared beds with some of the grandchildren. It's meant learning to sleep on a sliver of mattress so their rest wasn't disturbed in a new environment. But in the morning they each announced a good sleep and sought their favorite breakfast items. When funds can afford it, breakfast might even mean a trip to MacDonalds and a playland experience, other times it's meant pancakes with ice cream topping. 

I don't know what my grandchildren will say about me as they turn in to young adults, but I hope they will recall some good memories - more than I had to fall back on. I know they may feel like my rules meant restrictions, but I've softened over the years and it's helped as they've determined to understand "why" some rules exist. 

This is Easter weekend and I've had a few reports from grandchildren about their family events. I'm learning one reality, they each grow up and as they do so, the requests to have their needs met changes. This week I was asked to help one of the teenagers learn how to "jive" for a dance competition he wanted to attend. His report to me on Sunday morning made it sound like he had a wonderful time with his peers, especially the young ladies. His mother invested more than I did in the dance instruction, but I was pleased to be invited to participate.



I hope my role evolves in such a way that I can eventually have more time and energy available for them all. I also hope one day to become better acquainted with the grandchildren that live at a distance. I know my mother demanded my Dad drive her annually from one house full of grandchildren to another. She'd make some of her favorite meals, share a few stories and seemed relieved when she and Dad climbed into their vehicle to head off alone to the next household. She worked at staying connected with her children and their children. I'm mindful that letters, cards and gifts would perhaps be appreciated, and I should make more of those efforts when travel isn't as possible. All my grandchildren are precious and remarkable and I know if I don't take the opportunity to tell them so, they may never know that I love them!

 

Old Fashioned Values

This morning in a Church women's group meeting (Relief Society) about 50 ladies spent forty-five minutes discussing honesty. After numerous stories were told and comments were shared it became quite obvious that honesty may have become optional for a better part of society.



Some of the stories told were as basic as the dishonesty of theft from retail outlets, plagarism and cheating on university papers or exams and even the small or significant lies people present to one another that range from incomplete truths to money-making deceitfulness that we hear about on the evening news.



The conversation included business realities. One business woman stated that between $10,000 and $20,000 annually was lost from their family business due to theft. We all know insurance fraud raises our coverage rates and our economy has been spinning as banks failed as unscrupulous investment practices have become the norm.



Moses was the first prophet  to clearly state the need for practices of honesty such as, "Thou shalt not steal." We may think he just meant stealing another's money or possessions, but with any consideration for the complete list Moses provided we might include - stealing a person's reputation, "Thou shalt not bear false witness."

We could also consider the theft of precious relationships by Moses declaration, "Thou shalt not commit adultery." Yet, does adultery, today, have more facets than we realize? A plague of pornography is raging, and a taste for it can become very destructive. Initially it tintilates and eventually it can rob the recipient of a more loving nature in trade for satisfying lust.

When Moses said to "honour thy father and thy mother," society, both the young and the old may see the recommendation as passe. The young may believe parents to be old fashioned, out of touch, or lacking understanding. The more mature adult may find it hard to make aging parents a priority, or they may be discomforted by quieted eyes or a tilted head as their parents question conduct or choices (like living beyond one's means). All the distances between parents and their children might be considered as a form of theft. As distances and differences rob family members of the love, caring and support we can bring to one another, the theft can leave us bereft.



Good old fashioned values are so simple. They've stood the test of time.

While we might imagine they can be exchanged for values of lesser demand upon us,

are we cheating ourselves?

 

The WAVE!

After my disabled son, Nat left home at 18 years of age, we delighted in some of the lifestyle options that were afforded him. Special Olympics (swimming and bowling), attending sports, biking, camping (like he had with our family), and even dance events.


Segregation was been the rule more often than not, but Nat's unique "spirit" and enthusiasm has allowed him to successfully integrate into communities of people from time to time. This is a story about one of those times...

Nat's WAVE!
As a young child living in Calgary during the Olympics of 1988, Nat must have absorbed the crowd excitement of televised activities more than I had realized. We'd watched the opening ceremonies,

the athletes...





many of the actual sporting events and amid it all Calgary became famous for their WAVE!


For those not familiar with the Olympic Wave, it's a crowd action whereby in a succession of crowd motions, an audience raises their hands or raises objects, and then lowers them creating a synchronized wave motion repeatedly for minutes in celebration of a success by a team or competitor.

Nathan played "wave" with his siblings from the sofa during the televised events and then years later had a recall of the pleasure of such group dynamics and excitment.

How it happend!

One of Nat's residential care home providers included semi-pro baseball league game attendance in his recreation schedule. And while our family wasn't aware of it, Nat gained a reputation for cheering the home team by initiating the WAVE by attendees in the ballpark stands. The residential family left the area and we Nat moved to another home, but his baseball league attendance did follow.

It seems a period of time later, ballpark administration realized the spirit of the games had changed. When they began to investigate the history of the decline in crowd enthusiasm, they were told the drop in excitement co-incided with the fact a young dependent adult man had stopped coming to the games. It took a while, but eventually Nathan was identified and located. He and his new caregivers were invited to attend the games without a fee, and if that was not sufficient to evidence his influence on the baseball games, they gifted him with their sincere recognition of what he contributed to the sport.

His first game back at the field, Nat was brought down to the in-field given a team jersey, a hat and then was told to run the bases. The crowd cheered and gave him the WAVE! I nearly cry each time I think about it.

He can't tell us the story and allow it to grow by the telling, but after it was told to me, I determined to tell it as often as possible. I've wanted people who feel they lack talents/gifts or skills to hear how a young intellectually impaired adult, who couldn't speak in sentences and needs daily supervision could make a difference in the lives of so many people - relative strangers. 

Nat didn't just make a difference in the lives of his family members, or his friends and associates (although he does), but he made a difference amid hundreds of people who didn't know him, except for valuing his enthusiasm. They enjoyed how he shared his joy. He found a way to connect with crowds, bring them together and direct them to do something uplifting and positive. He used his influence!

We can be of positive influence just like Nathan is. We can smile in elevators, say hello to people on the street, give up our seat on a bus to someone other than a senior, let the person behind us at the check out move ahead of us... We can let people know we love life and our joy will spread and infect more people than we can imagine.

We don't have to be important and impressive to influence others... take a peek...

Don't these smiles influence you???

Smile and the world smiles with you!

Be of positive influence, spread your joy,

make a difference!



Genealogy makes Families Forever!

I've spent most of the past 40 years doing genealogy research and keeping a journal (the latter not always consistently). Both offer a formula for making families "forever." The first, family research helps me find the roots of my capacities, interests, health, attributes, size/shape, weaknesses, strengths, passions and more. I have a governor general, members of parliament, physicians, business owners, journalists (which I chose to do at one point in my career), farmers and even soldiers in my family. Their wives and children relocated with them when required. They married, had children and buried those they loved.

Journal writing allows me to leave perspectives, memories, attitudes, experiences, and the story of my life's experiences for those who come after me. Many times as I found ancestor families, I craved having journals of their daily lives to strengthen me. 

Just like my pleasure at teaching my children and now enjoying grandchildren, journals allow me to potentially influence others for as long as the pages/words survive. When my weaknesses in attitude, faith or capacity are recorded, readers will be able to read on and see I eventually worked through each season and move forward with my life. It may encourage them.

Why I am committed to family research and journal writing

Members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints believe we lived in spirit form before coming into mortality. We had learning opportunities, formed relationships and awaited our turn to come to earth. Mortality is, yet, another learning experience. Our time on earth gives us the chance to evidence our nature and disposition, to prove our capacities for many things from the use of our talents and gifts to the exercise of commitments we made before birth to be of goodly (kind, generous, loving, nurturing, etc.) nature and to form healthy, lasting relationships. 

Just as biblical scriptures are records of Old Testament and New Testament historical events and stories, journals become the same evidence of one's having lived a complete life. During our lives others may judge our actions and find us lacking in some way. But, if our journals are complete, we leave a record of the desires of our hearts and our efforts to overcome our weaknesses and shortfalls. We also share our insights and celebrations - birth of children, accomplishments of those we love, the tragedies or hardships we endure and the lessons we learn from our daily experiences.

Some life's lessons are just as important as lessons we learn from the scriptures. We learn from one another just as we learn from the heros we find in the scriptures. But, to have that learning opportunity we must share our thoughts and experiences in written form, just like the prophets and disciples did hundreds and thousands of years ago.

Comparing our lives...

Raising children in a limited income household, when my children were young, often gave me a sense of frustration and disappointment. When the grocery budget did not meet the appetite of my quickly growing family I would, at times, feel life was not treating me fairly.

Over a period of months (when I first began to research my patriarchal line) I learned that George Acheson left Ireland in 1849 to come to Canada with a new bride. The young couple must have anticipated wonderfully good things ahead - because they knew if they escaped the Irish potatoe famine, life had to improve.

How could they have known that the bride (as yet unidentified in official records) would die during the crossing and be buried at sea. It nearly broke my heart to learn his dream for their fresh start was so dashed. He eventually became a policeman in the City of York (Toronto) and married a woman he met apparently on his beat. He kept the faith, had children and they had children and so on... and so on... and here I am.

Another record search offered me the Will of a family member. Again from Ireland, the deceased had so little property of value that leaving "gooseberry bushes" to family members was recorded. When poverty creates the need for such donations of good will, lessons about today's financial constraints are quickly brought into perspective.

Parenting pains...

As mentioned in an earlier posting, my third child, a son, Nathan was born intellectually impaired (my contracting measles during pregnancy). Nathan had hearing problems and is aphasic (lacks language/speech).

I felt a great deal of anxiety about Nathan when he was young. I prayed and begged God more days and nights than I can recall now, to make a miracle happen and to have Nat become whole. I also constantly asked"why?" and felt once again that life wasn't fair. No other parents in my immediate association had a child with a disability, until much later in Nat's life.

Then one evening, as I carefully reviewed a microfilm, again hunting for my Acheson ancestors, I began to collect the names found in birth records for children of a specific husband and wife. They had one, then a second, a third and even a fourth child all in the space of a few brief years. I had four children of my own, each born two years apart. I could see their little family in my mind.

Then, in the death records I reviewed later that night, I began to cry as I found the death of two of their youngsters. The reality of health care limitations, limited food products, warm homes, lack of daily conveniences like running water and flushing facilities were so apparent that my life looked like a picnic in retrospect to my ancestors. I might have to plan for Nat's ongoing needs, but I had supports and opportunities available to me that would never have been imagined to that bereft couple.

My family is forever - today! I know many of them by researching where they lived, their children, their challenges (records of wars and land losses). They keep me going and I hope my remembering them, gives them pleasure. I say that confidently, because I know they exist - again in spirit form. They are waiting to regain the joy of permanent physical bodies they will gain in the resurrection.

We will meet. We will greet, and because I believe I may have known many of them before I came into mortality, I look forward to regaining their association. We are everything to one another. They've made me possible, and I'm grateful to them. It's so good! 

Perspective is everything in life.

"half empty... half full!"

challenges vs. opportunities

hardships and trials or growth and development